"I tried giving the kittens a bath but they didn't like it very much - except for Fluffy but she can breath underwater - and so they teleported away and then they got into the flowerbeds so I put them in Simon's bed!" There's more waving dramatically on her end and she's inched away from the table some more.

This is clearly a much better mess.

Very quietly, the man has gotten up and is walking softly towards the two of them.